“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven . . .a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance . . . He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
Life sometimes brings unexpected circumstances that cause us deep emotional pain and it is difficult to understand God’s purpose. Failures crush us or events are extremely painful -- a plan does not materialize, hopes are dashed or we suffer the loss of a loved one. Sometimes the most difficult part is to accept that God was not powerless to prevent our circumstances. God has a deeper, eternal purpose in mind that we do not understand. (Isaiah 55:8-9) How will God enable us to handle it? One of the ways is our ability to grieve. It is a way of helping us release our suffering to Him. (Isaiah 53:4-5)
Jesus said, “In truth I tell you, a grain of wheat remains a solitary grain unless it falls into the ground and dies, but if it dies, it bears a rich harvest.” (John 12:24 NEB) Only what is truly surrendered can be transformed. We surrender our insistence on our own way and any negative feelings arising from our woundedness or our disappointments over failures and lost dreams. It is like a series of small deaths that will transform us into something better and, in the end, help prepare us for our final death and the fullness of eternal life with Jesus Christ. Sometimes sorrow does not disappear completely. Perhaps God allows this so we will compassion for the sorrow of others. (II Corinthians 1:3-5)
Many of us respond negatively to traumatic events with denial, anger, self-pity or blame. If we don’t acknowledge our negative feelings and move beyond them, they eventually resurface in another form: depression, fear, bitterness, chronic stress or disease. We may be puzzled about periods of depression or repeated outbursts of anger. Or we may be troubled by our frequent condemnation of others or by our chronic anxiety. Any of these could be signals that we need to grieve over a hurtful event and release it to God.
Some of us try to ignore our pain or we use self-help methods, such as a positive mental attitude or keeping busy in order to forget. These are helpful over minor incidents, but if this is all we do when we face deeply painful circumstances, we may be cheating ourselves of the blessings that accompany grieving -- maturing in our faith and hope, and, best of all -- experiencing Jesus redeeming even the worst circumstances and bringing good out of them. (Romans 5:3-5, 8:28)
We learn from the Scriptures that Jesus grieved over different circumstances: past, events, present difficulties and what He knew would happen in the future. He experienced such sorrow over the death of his friend, Lazarus, that He wept. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He grieved over the faithlessness of His disciples and He experienced an intense struggle to surrender to the will of God. In addition, throughout His ministry Jesus longed to have the people of Jerusalem accept His truth but they were not willing. And so He grieved over the consequences that would come to them in the future. (John 11:32-36, Matthew 26:36-40, Matthew 23:35-37)
We may need to grieve over and release to God a painful loss or failure in our past, or the pain of a present circumstance. Grieving does not mean we must give up a loved one, but we release to God the feelings of loss and accept and be thankful for the role the person played in our life. God had a purpose for that person or circumstance to have occurred.
Perhaps we need to release some hope for the future because God is giving us the sense it is not what He wants for us at this time. He may be giving us insight that our longing for it is not helpful. God may have something better in mind. We may be keeping His desires for us from coming into being because we will not grieve and surrender the pain of our present circumstances. Grieving helps to bring to a close the events that have hurt us. It also helps to release us from the power these hurts have had over us.
A few years after I was widowed, I would catch myself looking at couples and wishing I was married again. When I finally realized that I had feelings of envy and self-pity, I knew God did not want me to live that way. I felt I had to give up my dream. I wanted to be grateful for God’s loving plan for my life and not be petulant like a child. I was feeling sorry for myself and forgetting that God’s love is always working for my highest good and He wants to bless me. (Jeremiah 32:41, Matthew 7:9-10) Because I had difficulty surrendering my dream, I asked the Lord to help me. He softened my heart and I was able to grieve over the loss of my dream and release it to Him. My negative feelings were transformed into gratitude because I began to see that God was meeting all my needs in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19) In addition to meeting my needs, He has given me a wonderful hope for the future – that my life will be meaningful, productive and filled with love. (Jeremiah 29:11) Grieving leads to acceptance. Acceptance leads to gratitude. Gratitude leads to peace and fulfillment.
You may be reading this to prepare you to help another. Or there may come a time in the future when you will need to accept God’s gift of grieving in order for your circumstances to be transformed by His love. Perhaps you need to ask Him now, “Is there something in my past, my present, or a hope for my future which I need to grieve over and release to you?”
“Blessed are those who mourn
for they will be comforted.”[1]
Matthew 5:4
How do you think God blesses those who mourn so that grieving can become “beautiful in its time?” Ecclesiastes 3:4,11
Suggestion for Prayer-Listening
Is there someone I know who is grieving and you want me to share with him/her your comfort and blessing? How can I best do this?
Suggestion for Meditation
God promises to comfort, redeem and bless His own who are troubled and grieving. Meditate slowly on each phrase of the following Scriptures:
“In all their distress, he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them . . . As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.”
Isaiah 63:9, 66:13
Perhaps nothing witnesses more to the depth and strength of our faith than how we respond to painful or fearful events. If we respond with negative feelings, it can reveal lack of faith. For example: fear indicates our lack of faith that God will protect us and redeem (turn into good) the negative things we offer to Him in prayer. Anger or bitterness regarding our circumstances indicates our lack of faith that God is allowing them for a reason -- to bring about His highest and best. People are aware of how our faith is helping us in times of crisis. So it is crucial that we surrender our circumstances to God with trust in the power of Christ’s redemptive love, wisdom and guidance. It is also crucial that we have grateful and praising hearts because, even through the worst of circumstances, Jesus can bless the lives of those who receive Him, as His death on the cross so vividly portrayed.