Home About Us Our Books Prayer Cards Bible Mini- Studies Contact
Equipped for Love
Jesus shows us the way to a deeply fulfilling life:
“Love the Lord your God; with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37
“And this is eternal life, to know you, the only true God, and him whom you have sent -- Jesus Christ.” John 17:3 Phillips
The verb Jesus used, “to know,” indicates an intimate sharing, far more than intellectual knowledge. Our life here on earth and our life after death is shaped by how we respond to these statements of Jesus. The very essence of life is relational -- God reaching out to us in love and our responding to Him and to others in love.
Our ability to love depends a great deal on how we feel about ourselves. If we have poor self-esteem, our energies will be directed to protecting and promoting ourselves. Our approach to our relationships will be guided by our anxieties. We will promote ourselves in self-defeating ways and erect defense mechanisms to ward off hurt. We may settle for acquaintances where there is only the sharing of information rather than the sharing of self. We are depriving ourselves of love.
The apostle John shows us how we are best equipped for healthy relationships:
“ . . . God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. . . We love because he first loved us.” I John 4:8b-10,19
God wants us to live through Jesus Christ, accepting His sacrifice for our weaknesses and sin so we are freed from self to receive and offer love. We cannot love others as God desires until we first receive God’s love for us. Then Jesus sets the example for how we are to love. It is to be the same forgiving, accepting love that He has for us. Without first experiencing the nature of His love, we cannot offer it to others.
Perhaps we were poorly equipped for love because we were ignorant about God’s gift of unconditional love. Or we may have been crippled in our ability to receive God’s love and love others because of the way we have felt about ourselves. Understanding how well or poorly our self-esteem was formed as a child will help us to understand how and why we approach our relationships the way we do. Perhaps we have residual feelings of shame or guilt as we look back at our early years. These feelings of unworthiness make it difficult for us to believe that God loves us just as we are. When we feel unworthy of love, it is also difficult for us to love God and to find healthy relationships.
For example, until I was 33 years old, I did not know about God’s unconditional love. As I was growing up, I felt I was loved only conditionally -- when I behaved well. I know now that my parents loved me and were using the parenting skills they had learned. But I grew up confusing love with approval. I became hungry for doing and succeeding and not just for being. And I knew only how to give love conditionally. Love may have been in my heart, but instead of saying, “I love you,” I gave only statements of approval. And I myself settled for approval instead of love. For many years I was threatened by criticism, for my relationships were based on performance and criticism placed them in jeopardy.
The areas where we are easily threatened, hurt or angered are often indicators pointing to past events that have not been resolved or wounds that have not been healed. Those of us who were often criticized as children may be vulnerable to criticism as adults because it leaves us feeling uncertain of our worth. Some of us may become perfectionists, highly critical of our own performance as well the weaknesses of others. We are self-destructive and bring destruction to our relationships. Others of us who have experienced conditional, critical parenting may learn to be competitive and succeed in the world in order to receive the affirmation and control we crave. Instead of our relationships thriving on mutual support, we are in a battle of one-upsmanship.
There is an old Hasidic saying: In one pocket, we should have a card that reads, “I am only ashes.” -- in another pocket we should have a card that reads, “For me alone, the entire universe has been created.” Christians would interpret this as “I am a sinner,” yet God loves me so much that even if I was the only person on earth, He would have sacrificed His Son to rescue me from darkness. We are to live with a balance of humility and a profound sense of worthiness. A healthy acceptance of God’s love will send us within ourselves to mature in His love and become equipped to go out into the world to love others.
We do not look back to our early years to blame but rather to understand the areas where we may be emotionally crippled and ill-equipped for love. From the importance Jesus placed on relationships, we know it is His will for us to experience His healing -- the removal of whatever is keeping us from receiving and giving love in healthy ways. We can ask Him to reveal the areas where we are poorly equipped for love and to heal us. We can also ask Him to lead us to people who will encourage us to interact with them in healthy ways.
Our healing will come gradually. We will be able to respond more lovingly to God, participate more fully in the eternal life of His kingdom, and reach out to others – freed from self and more able to love. It becomes a wonderful circle of love for, as we love others, God’s love grows stronger in us.
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”
I John 4:7-8,12
In my early years, who or what contributed the most to my understanding and experience of unconditional love?
How can I most effectively show love in my relationships with others?
A Suggestion for Prayer-Listening
Lord Jesus, do I have a relationship where I need to mature in expressing my love?
How do you want my love to mature?
A Suggestion for Meditation
To be equipped for love, God wants us rooted and established in His love (Ephesians 3:16-19). Meditate on the following promises of His love:
“Day by day the Lord pours out his steadfast love upon me.” Psalm 42:8a LB
“ . . . you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” Isaiah 43:4a RSV
Encouragement to Ministry Leaders
We are Christ’s ambassadors of His loving voice and touch in the world. How wonderful it is that the Lord does not call us into ministry without first equipping us. Our responsibility is to grow and mature in our gifts for ministry. So it is helpful if we ask Him occasionally, “Is there anything keeping me from being more loving. Is there anything you want to heal in me so I am freed to be more loving?”
We could also consider having someone pray for us for the Lord’s healing. From time to time, Jesus has shown me areas where I have needed emotional healing. In looking back, I can see that these were times He has guided me to forgive people who have hurt or shamed me. He has also freed me from seeking perfection in myself and others, enabling me to love more spontaneously and with greater acceptance. It is only as I accept myself that I can learn to accept others. It is only through receiving God’s forgiveness that I learn to truly forgive others and it is only as I experience God’s love that I can love others unconditionally. God is equipping us for ministry here and for eternal life in full and glorious fellowship with Him!
Would you like to receive this Monthly Mini-Study automatically each month?