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January, 2006 Bible Mini-Study
The Art of Communication
"The excitement and promise of any gathering of people springs from the possibility that two or more persons, living most of the time in some degree of loneliness, will rendezvous, like two astronauts, in the infinity of relationship, and from this meeting, move on to discover new worlds of meaning." Reuel L. Howe, The Miracle of Dialogue
There is a joy in life I do not want to miss -- deeply meaningful conversation that draws me close to others. My ability to enjoy this gift depends on my relationship with God. For when I believe that God loves me just the way I am and I believe I am worth loving, I don’t have to prove anything to people. I can be natural and enjoy an exchange of words with them where there is a flow of meaning between us. I am free to grow in expressing myself and responding to others because I know I am loved.
“Day by day the Lord pours out his
steadfast love upon me.” Psalm 42:8a LB
For years I struggled between responding positively to people because I enjoyed them, and retreating for fear I would not be accepted. I looked for reassurance that I was worth knowing. My concern for myself sometimes drew me closer to others; at other times it alienated me from them. I have learned to risk being transparent and vulnerable in order to communicate at a meaningful level.
When we are self-conscious with people, a meaningful conversation is difficult. For example, someone pays us a compliment. Instead of telling our friend that what he said pleases us, we pass it off with a hollow protest. Once again we have avoided meaningful contact.
In most conversations, there are two levels of communication. One is outward, formed by our words, our facial expressions and body language. The other is inward and is seldom shared clearly. We hide behind a facade of how we want to appear. We let people see certain things about ourselves and carefully hide the rest. How do you successfully hide? Do you try to appear so sophisticated that you intimidate others? Or are you quick to criticize the weaknesses of others in order to avoid revealing your own? Do you hide behind a continual stream of talk so that meaningful dialogue is impossible?
There are some who wrongly think that the art of living is the ability to conceal their weaknesses while exploiting the weaknesses of others. I know there was a time when I tried to cover up my shyness and shaky self-esteem by appearing sophisticated and aloof. Yet there is nothing more effective in building relationships than admitting our weaknesses. It is easier for our friends to respond to us when we are willing to be vulnerable, and it is easier for us when they are willing to be vulnerable. By admitting our personal shortcomings we are brought closer together.
A creative tension exists between people when they are pursuing the truth regarding each other and accepting what they find. Like onions being peeled, we discover new qualities of character and personality in each other that we did not know existed. The mystery of a person is never completely unfolded.
The apostle Paul said that we are called to a ministry of reconciliation. We are to help build bridges between people, and between people and Christ, for He is our bridge to God. There is no better way than through loving communication.
“Christ’s love compels us . . . so from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ; not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.” II Corinthians 5:14a, 16-20a
Each day we can depend on Christ’s transforming love within us to help us grow in the art of communication. This involves receiving affirmation as well as giving it, learning as well as teaching and listening as well as speaking. We may be misunderstood or ignored, but with God’s help we can accept the challenges and rise above them.
“The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 15:4, 16:24
Most of us talk too much. Communication does not mean giving all the information we have, or talking about accomplishments of which we are proud. We may cause our friend to feel inferior or set them to wondering if we feel inferior. We succeed only in creating a gulf between us.
Listening is often more important than talking. James 1:9 Listeners have the ability to call forth the best in their friends. If we are careful not to put our interests before theirs, we can encourage our friends to reveal their thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we may want to pray silently while our friends are speaking, seeking wisdom concerning their spoken and unspoken communication.
There is a delightful intimacy when two people discover the mystery of each other. They find themselves thinking and speaking more profoundly in each other's presence. They give each other a sense of being more than they thought they could be. They are able to lead each other out of their hiding places towards God.
“The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know
the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning,
wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.” Isaiah 50:4
A Thought to Ponder
Is my life peaceful enough so that I can be Christ’s loving ambassador, especially when communicating with others?
Suggestions for Listening
Lord Jesus, what do I need to learn in order to communicate more lovingly?
What do I need to learn in order to listen more respectfully to others?
Suggestions for Meditation
“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45
Consider the different ways you are storing good or bad in your heart (for example: from literature, the media, gossip, entertainment). Offer to God whatever you think is displeasing to Him.
From Philippians 4:8, meditate for several moments on what you think is
noble
pure
lovely
Encouragement for Ministry Leaders
Most of us do not often think about the quality of our communication. For example, perhaps the busyness of our lives is robbing us of the ability to communicate lovingly. Perhaps we need to consider Isaiah 60:17 and let peace be our governor. When we are peaceful, we are more likely to take the time for meaningful listening and dialogue. And peaceful people are usually more approachable. Rather than rushing through the agenda for our day, being peaceful will help us be more open to the Holy Spirit helping us to be Christ’s ambassador through loving communication.